Twilight: The Parody Musical
by pocketfullofsunshinexoxo
Summary: I decided it would be interesting to write Twilight as a parody musical! Read and see what you think!
1. Dating sites and why they are bad

**A/N: Nobody kill me! I do not own Twilight and I am not trying to disrespect it, in fact, I love it! But this is something I wrote for fun! Please tell me what you think and also if there is any point in me continuing!**

**Xoxo**

**Skye**

Edward sat at his house all alone in the darkness of his room on his laptop. "I shall never find true love." He sighed as he signed up for yet another vampire dating website. It seemed that love was out to get him. What did he ever do to deserve this life of loneliness and sorrow? These vampire dating websites were usually fakes anyhow. None of the people were actual vampires because actual vampires didn't sign up for silly websites. They had no need, everyone but Edward seemed to have already found their soul mate. Almost immediately after he signed up, girls started to message him. Most of them confessed to not being vampires but one of them stood out in particular. Her name was Milkshakebabe and she was beautiful, although she looked a bit like Rosalie would with dark hair.

He participated in this conversation:

EdwardCullen: hello, I'm Edward Cullen

Milkshakebabe: I am Emmetalie Rosalie

EdwardCullen: You seem to have two of my sibling's names in your username

Milkshakebabe: I think you're cute 

EdwardCullen: you are as well 

Milkshakebabe: So do you write music?

EdwardCullen: Yes, I do, it says on your profile that you do as well.

Milkshakebabe: I do, I write music about your penis.

EdwardCullen: um…alright?

Milkshakebabe: And your smooth white belly button in the moonlight.

EdwardCullen: Why would one write a song about a belly button?

Milkshakebabe: Because it's your good-looking belly button, it's called the Edward's belly button song!

EdwardCullen: um…I would love to hear that someday…but I have to go soon…

Milkshakebabe: NO don't leave me my one true love!

EdwardCullen: Ok, Ok I won't leave you, but how do you know that I am your one true love, for, we have only just met!

Milkshakebabe: No we haven't, I have known you for a while now ;-)

EdwardCullen: I don't recall meeting you.

Milkshakebabe: Want to come with me to a club where people wee on each other?

EdwardCullen: Um…I could think of better venues.

Milkshakebabe: Do you love me?

EdwardCullen: Um…I don't know, we have only just met.

Milkshakebabe: I think I can deal with that, I will deal with it just like I dealt with all of my other boyfriends! BY KILLING THEM! I am a passionate person you see; let's meet in the woods tonight can we?

EdwardCullen: Sure, why not…I haven't got much to loose

Milkshakebabe: OK! Come on lets go now! I know where your house is!

EdwardCullen: Um…that's not weird at all

_Milkshakebabe has signed off and is unable to receive your IMs_

Edward got off of the computer and dashed into the woods at once. When he got there all he found was Emmett. "Emmett could you go away I am meeting a girl out here." Edward said.

"No! I can't go away because I am MILKSHAKEBABE!" He yelled as he cackled his evil laugh. "Little brother when will you learn not to get on dating websites, they only lead to online predators like me!" Emmett said.

"Emmett, must your torture me so?" Edward asked, sighing.

"Yes brother, it is my only entertainment while the girls are out of town and I am grounded from my video games!" He said.

Edward, feeling hopeless, turned towards the edge of the woods and started to sing because this is, after all, a musical. Edwards's voice, on this occasion, sounded like Hampton the hamster.

"I am so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely, I have no body on my ownnn, I am so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely, I have no body on my ownnn!" He sang sadly.

Emmett followed him back to the house, bored with his evil regimes. "There are few who deny, at what I do I am the best, for my talents are renowned far and wide, with the slightest little effort of my ghost like charm I can annoy the very boldest off their feet. Yet year after year there's a feeling in my bones that I EMMETT, the annoying king, has grown tired of the same old thing!" Emmett sang, changing a few of the words of "Jack's Lament" from "Nightmare before Christmas" to fit his current situation.

Edward went back inside to get ready for yet another dreary day at school. It was nearly that time again and he dreaded it with passion. School was redundant, boring and painful. After getting ready quickly, he got into his car. The song that played in the background fit his mood perfectly.

"I thought love was only true in fairy tales, then for someone else and not for me! Love was out to get me, that's the way it seems, disappointment haunted all my dreams!" By the end of that line he was at school. Just as he shut his car off a new song began to play in the air. Sometimes Edward and the others wondered where these songs came from, but life was a musical so why bother trying to understand right?

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, their life is better than yours damn right its better than yours I can teach you, but I'll have to charge! If you want it, the thing that makes me, but the guys go crazy for it! They lose their minds! A ways behind! Watch if you're smart…" Milkshake played as Edward stared at this stunning young girl who stepped out of a hefty rusted truck.


	2. What a Prick!

**A/N: Thanks for reading everyone! I was very surprised when I actually got reviews on this, it's one of the dumbest, and yet most entertaining things I have ever written! Please tell me what you think after, and if you want, you can request songs! **

**Xoxo**

**Skye**

The finishing chorus of Edwards's song broke off the new girl's milkshake song. "And then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Without a trace, of doubt in my mind, I'm in love I'm a believer I couldn't leave her even if I tried!" Edward quickly stopped singing when she looked at him, ignoring the infamous school player known as Mike Newton.

"Hey Isabella!" A he said, walking up to the very attractive young girl. "I've heard you were coming." Mike Newton said. Edward could read people's minds so he was paying attention to Mike, who was thinking about how he wants to have sex with this girl called Isabella. Edward would not stand for this; however, he just stood there and stared.

"Its Bella," She sighed sounding sad, Edward was just about to find out why she was sad by reading her mind when he was interrupted by his siblings coming to school.

"Oh Oh Oh woke up today, feeling the way! I always do! Oh Oh OH hungry for something that I can't eat, then I hear that beat! That rhythm of town starts calming me down! It's like a message from high above! Oh! Oh! Oh! Pulling me out to the smiles and the streets that I love, Good Morning Forks Washington! Every days like an open door! Every night is a fantasy, every sound like a symphony!" Alice chorused as she got out of the car with Jasper. She was always so cheerful in the morning. Jasper stood by her, gazing upon his petite lover in admiration as she sang. No one else even looked up, life, after all, is a musical!

"Alice, cut it out, today isn't wonderful, and it's a really bad day I mean it's not even too sunny to go to school." Rosalie scolded. She was always the insensitive, downright bitchy one. Emmett was the only one who changed her attitude every time he put his arm softly around her. She would giggle like the teenager she was physically.

"Ah Rose, today's not so bad, just think soon school will be over and we can start where we left off last night." Emmett smirked.

"I'll take you to the candy shop and let you lick the lollypop-" Emmett started to sing but was cut off by Alice.

"EMMETT!" She yelled. "NO one wants to think about that!"

Emmett laughed a bit too much and fell onto the ground. Everyone looked in their direction but none of our vampires were bothered, they were used to the stares. All except for Edward… "Alice and Emmett you must not be so foolish today." Edward said coldly.

"What's wrong Eddy Weddy?" Emmett and Alice chorused followed by laughter by the Hale twins, Rosalie and Jasper.

Edward ignored the taunts from his siblings and walked into the school, a dark expression on his face as a result of their usual taunting. Edward felt like the outcast in his own family very often because they were always trying to set him up with some beautiful female vampire, none of whom have even slightly interested him. He tried to think of music that would be appropriate for expressing his despair as he walked down the hallway. There were tons of people but he felt all alone, like they were just illusions and he was the only one and he was on a boat sailing to the lonely island.

"I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Everybody look at me because I'm sailing on a boat! I'm riding on a dolphin doing flips and shit, this dolphin is splashing getting everybody all wet but this ain't sea world, this is as real as it gets I'm on a boat mother fucka don't you ever forget! I'm on a boat and its going fast and I got a nautical theme fetch me an afghan, I'm the king of the world on a boat like Leo if you own the show, then you're sure like me! Fuck land I'm on a boat mother fucker! Fuck trees I climb buoys mother fucker!" Edward sang, expressing his feelings by singing "I'm on a Boat" by the Lonely Island in the voice of T-Pain.

He had biology next, a class where none of his siblings were there to relieve his boredom of everyday life. Usually, he was bored enough to reply to Alice's text messages in that class. She always sent him a play by play of everything that she found amusing and usually, Edward didn't find it nearly as amusing as Emmett and Jasper did. Rosalie never found anything amusing, her and Edward were alike in that way…most of the time.

Edward took his seat at his table alone; he would avoid sitting near people if possible, so he was his own lab partner. After years of medical school, biology labs were dull and effortless. That was when she walked in. It was Bella, looking sad as she had all day. He wanted to know what made her so sad; he concentrated with everything he had to find out. But there was nothing, this girl wasn't thinking anything! Her mind felt like it wasn't even there and then she really hit him. The scent of her blood rushed over him like the Titanic. He had to cover my face as she sat next to him!

Bella walked into the class room, her first day at a new school was turning out to be very irritating and now some prick was going to act like she smelled! She knew she didn't smell because she took a shower just this morning! What the hell? 'Whatever,' she thought. 'If I can just get through today, I can ask Charlie if I can home school myself because this place sucks ass!'

"What are you thinking?" He asked her and then, unable to endure the smell of her blood he dashed out to his car to listen to his screamo and calm down his thoughts. Bella was left sitting in her class, irritated beyond belief. Hot guys were such pricks!


End file.
